DREAMS THAT COLLIDE

Shok

Borshai Jibon

Chirkut

Chirkut-2

Chirkut-3

Ponkhi ural ja

Shortohin

 

 

For a friend I refuse to let the candle quit

I wish I lived in a fairytale
With a happy ending
Where people you care about
Just don’t die between phone calls
And leave you to face this reality
Alone without cries
And don’t just let you write your feelings down
in a piece of paper or a diary
And get it over with
And don’t let you go on with life
Like its okay
Like her not being around
Okay.

You laugh again with friends
Make jokes in restaurants
And stop leaving a seat for her
or forget her cell phone number
or how she sounded
When she talked and smiled
or cried.

What remains of people?
Merely a promise of rain
Under the grey grieving sky
This wide open wounded shore of city
Slowly swallowing our salty memories
It hurts.

She had always showed up in colours
Maybe I will go colour-blind
Colour fades away
Bleeding into night
Maybe when this heart will change into meat
I will be okay.
Like most.

Maybe I will go lost among strangers
who didn’t know her
And Move on
But you see
I refuse to let you fade
My friend
I refuse to let the candle quit.

 

Within killing fields

A boy and a girl standing in a firing squad
Waiting for the soldiers to line up
Holding hands they ruled the world
This isn’t some teenage love fuck up.

Him: I love you
Her: (laughs) Sorry I am allergic to bullshit

Him: (thinking):
But I’ve already said it,
she felt it against her skin;
shit man I hate to die right now shit.

Her: (thinking)
Why did he say that?
Must be because we are going to die
Dumb ass why not earlier!

Him: Can I kiss you?
Her: no. smiling (thinking yes)

Him: (thinking)
She smiled man she smiled …..
Wohooo ho
Shit I cant let her die
I cant …….

Her: (thinking)
Doesn’t he look good, he does
Why does he love me
I don’t see why he should
Why cant I cry

Him: wont you ran away with me?
Her: to where?
Him: Nepal
Her: okay

Sadness engulfed her like it's the only emotion she had
And he just hugged her.

They ran
Bullets fly between the space and time
Slicing the red sky
And the blood soaked earth remains
Only love and death is true
Within killing fields
And ignoring death and war
They ran.

My chemical lover

 

We started our nightmare

Long before the fairytales

Long before my first time

Her game was playing on emotions

She was good

She was dazzling

Bet myself in 6 black dots

She rolled the dice

And a physical smile did it all.

There she was

With Chemical odour in the air

That slow motion sweetness

That burning touches

That fragrance of my defeat

On stoplights.

Ticks on the clock

Say my name

Say you love me

Even if it’s a lie

Lie for me.

That game she played

With such sweetness

With such daze

With all her hate

 

How I hated her

More than all the porns

More than all the shots

More than all the real and fabricated pains

More than all the past memories of her

Only to know how much I needed her

Even for my own ruin.

 

I was afraid

For the love I had

Now I lost all my reasons to fear

Because there is

Nothing to fear for

No love

No you or me

Anymore.

 

Chicken man and the  poet

[Editor]

So what do you think?

[Poet]

I think this fried chicken is expensive.

Ya but what about this poem.

What about it?

It’s….. It’s weird.

Why? It’s practical.
It’s about chicken, cheap chicken.

Would you stop for a sec and be serious.

But prices are in 3 figures.

Listen to me

This poem is due for tomorrow’s issue.

So you are the host here right?

What? Stop babbling and focus.

Is this some new age retro fusion?

Ya whatever you’re the boss

You know I am not gonna print this

Aaha is it like chicken s**t?

What the …. , You need help

Sure help me, give me money

No, you need therapy.

I am poor but

The chicken’s coming.

[Heavy sigh] I give up.

[Waiter serves]

This is yours sir, enjoy

What I thought … chicken

Where is it

Is it hiding

Has someone declared war against it?

No but it has a bad cold, like flu.

This is mad cow

With chicken s**t garnish.

Bon appetie

Damn this poem

Gluttony

Life never really was any good
There never was any point to it
in this hot summer days
Waiting to die in the sun.
Then there you were
From the moment I saw you
I just craved the taste of you
starting from the outside
then the inside
And the centre too.

 Took me a few moments
To snatch you from that man
With only a stare
And some money
you gave up
and start being mine.
holding you in my hands
your body so cold
but wrapped and ready
in plastic expressions
smiling at me.

 Warming you
Lick after lick
A little sucking here and there
The longer you last
The creamier you get.
The curves of your body
The feel in my hand
Kissing you
every last bit with my tongue
And sucked the life out of you
Till the end then ate your shell.

 
What can I say
You just gotta love
My chocolate covered ice cream cone.
Literally man
Literally.

 

 

Eat you and be happy

I ate the chocolate because,
You told me not to,
You held it before my nose,
You made me want it,
But you said I couldn't,
Have it,
So when you turned to leave,
I snatched the chocolate and ate,
The crunchy topping,
The gooey centre,
This I tell you,
Is why I ate the chocolate.

And this is how you leash me
With eggs and ego
With red lips and pink ones
That haunts me so much.

Ding dong emotion overload
Can’t compute
Can’t be all that you want
Not even funny
Or slick like your leather top.
Just a potato in your couch
And deep fried chicken with flu
Now now you love me,
Don’t you my dominant honey bunny?
O why I care
Being a regular
With lust and flare
I will just eat you and be happy.

 

 

Legitimated love

 

I forgot who it was

You or me

Made the first move

walking down the street

we could have never seen each other

and live till the end.

 

We went along side by side

Fighting our loneliness

Believing to keep a status of being in love

Believing to keep a safe bargain

Dreading to end up alone and old

Just to have someone to hold

Just to be cared for.

We went along.

 

In times it’s intimacy you crave

Even when you are not in love

Not in cerebral terms

Not even the sex.

Only someone to wake up to

Someone to wait for in the dining table

Or in a restaurant.

This idea of making a home

Idea of coming home and find someone

Waiting for you

With smiles and concerns in her eyes.

 

Forever is now

And now is over

For that great ride

For that wild nights

And days of rollercoaster

That turns your head and shakes you feet

For that someone so intense

You got dangerous

And free

And you left

And I saved you the guilt.

There was even a goodbye and wave.

 

Didn’t hate you

Not even for a day

Just got sad in yellow colours

Behind the sun.

What we had was perfect and safe

 And love is never perfect

Never.

 

 

I stay up looking at the ceiling

In the dead of this city night

I can hear the techno beat of rain

Wishing for a storm to come and make me afraid

Wishing for a disaster good enough for that push

From that edge I keep hanging on.

 

Out of focus emotions

That routine depression

So war then

Red, blue, white pills

Euphoria in my own placebo life

Night out in smokes and neons

That blue jazz in the air

Drums in heart beats

Songs like morphine

I drown myself.

Taste of unknown lipstick

Waking up in different surfaces

With haze of memories

Wasted.

 

I will be okay

Don’t worry

I know you won’t

Cause

You are not even there.

And I stopped to care.

 

 

Take off my eyes

i took off my eyes
i am blind
i am a coward
but i am nothing but man
with a bleeding hurt.
what makes the world go round
love doesn't
never did
only money does
only the people
you had benifical agreement with
cormporates, governments,people
you save your own
and kill others
and eat in scilence
with blood on your hand.
metaphor
you see a child get bitten
you wait
let the offender leave
then you help
what are you
the AID?
how much a human life worth
in africa
less than a bullet
how much your daughter worth
when you are president of USA
you save your own
and kill others
how do you have dinner with your family
how do you ? leaving people die of hunger
i know how
you like the beefburger
you dont visit the slaughter house
never do
there is no murder in poor countries
only regreatable deaths
we derive the benifits
so cheap are those people
cover ups
and 50 diffrent version of truth
keeps the world go round
and keeps some people in luxery
and some blind
and some dead
and not even buried.
my illusion of a beautiful world
got killed
expensive guiters, ps2
dining in expensive restaurants
having parties
wooing girls
the comfy couch
big screen tv
whole nine yards
a happy mans dream
killed
and burried.
i want to be blind
someone take off my eyes
let me be happy
let me be religious
with hopes of heaven
with 5 times pray a day
let me go to heaven
spare me those cries of help
spare me the pain
of a man
who cant help the people
he just dont have the power
oh god
make me blind
make me deaf
make me happy.
every one wants money
they do everything and anything to get it
they do
even after feeling sorry for them
everyone gets over those cries of help
and gets real
cause there is office tommrow
thats how it works
thats what we do
the greatest of creations
of god
thats what we do
makes me smile
am i not human anymore
guess not.
i know i will get over this
have a exam tommrow
have a after exam party to attend
have a crush on a beatiful girl
those cries of help will fade
and i will be human again
i pray
hoping atleast this will be answered.


Even without a whisper

All night even without a whisper we lie
In the bed of red lips
Rush of boiling blood in those veins
Those arms that clasp,
Fervent breast that glides
Teeth keen to bite,
Lips burned with unfed desires,
Red tongue that tires
Hunts that taste
Within depths sweet pollution,
So, blood and body furious with lust
Fist on my lies and flesh
You were
Never so divine.

Crushing through the skin and muscle, nerve and vein,
And in that supreme agony of pain
I drained myself of lust!
That final clasp
Consummated in your dying gasp!

Only what remains
In our weakened soul
Last bits of love we killed.
Then again
In frenzy we concentrate on that kiss
Kissing away the hard decrees of Fate
Keeping that illusion of love,
For what its worth.
Under the dying sun
One day
We shall be weary of kisses,
weary of all the caresses
Our whisper lies dead in that hidden kiss.

 

 

Leaving

Waiting in an airport with all my bits and pieces
Waiting to leave
Me and my memories
by the wings of an aeroplane
Sitting in red chairs between blue ones
Beside strangers, beside birds with forgotten wings
Waiting to fly
On economy class.
Leaving
Tears, love and indifference
Worries with someone else
People’s faces carry this weight
People’s cold hands
A wave
And goodbye.

Leaving
Waiting
Looking at emptiness
I let go
I let go of you
From those aching commitments
From those lies fooling ourselves
How do you leave someone you loved?
“Loved”
Yes even that can be said in past tense.

The only way to leave
“I don’t love you anymore, goodbye”
Brutal ?
I don’t know other words
No compassionate words in this ruthless world
For you and me, tired of lies and euphemism
Gone black and white
All the anonymities lost
What is left is weary
Of colours
Of love.

The coldness between bodies
Spaces between touches
Uncared for
Waking up alone
Even if you are there.

Being only a man
I wanted to live with my wants and dreams
the reasons that an animal can give you
And I did all this being human.

All those unshed tears
Without even a words
We managed our depart
Thousand miles away from eachother.
I left
All the things
Even the air you breathed.

I let go myself
And changed into somebody else
The only way to leave
The only way to live.

Pomp Love

 

It’s something I feel now

maybe it’s love

like taking breath under a warm blanket

when it’s cold, so cold

through my window it’s all ash sky

the glimpse isn’t all bad

smell is wet like soft mud

it’s good, it’s dizzy, rain maybe

those walls in my room hurts, it’s cold

when I get close, when I fall

lines of the broken mirror

messed up ‘me’ inside

why, it looks nice though

 

I see the roads, lonely

I walk

people see me, walk past me

weird eyes stare at me

I don’t mind

Maybe they think they are right

clouds float in slow motions

like they’re ageing

maybe hours are longer

no knocks in the door still.

 

outside in the street

I see the 6, 7, 8 years old play

I can see them smile now, lost in smile

trying to borrow it now

even if for a little while.

 

I’m broke

But sill ice cream is great

like you can lick the cup

hate the want

cause I cant have.

it’s hard to feel okay

or is it me, or is it always

I think I need you now

to hold me tight, close to you.

Close to you.

 

no knocks in the door still

may be you don’t know

guess I don’t know you

 

lights are on

silence is on

creeps come in different faces

they don’t change inside

I close my eyes

I let all blur

so much want to doze off in your arms

not like a leftover in my bed

not like the ‘me’ in my bed

 

 

you see

I can lose all the memories for you

I can do all the silly things for you

I can say all the lies you want to hear

I can be all that u want

I can.

 

It’s soaked in red under my body

close to my skin

creeping oval blue pain

tearing me, my dreams

losing myself and senses

under wide open ceiling

where the sky’s gone

maybe it’s just a dream

from those horrible headlines

I want so much to wake up with you

like those kindergarten mornings

like those happy endings

with smiles and sleepy eyes

with simple sweet times.

 

 

 

Uncensored dreams

 

When time comes knocking

You make the call

Being safe, being secure

That formal happiness

That routine sadness

Got a home

Got a wife

Got a night

Simple equation to live by

Then again

Wondering all your life

Your mediocre life

Those dreams that keeps you

From sleeps at night

From smiles sometimes

You can blame yourself now

For mistakes you make

Every time.

 

So you see

Waiting for an orange colour day

The day I would let go

My dreams or reality.

 

So you know

Clouds float by

Leaving us dead dry

Tears without cries

Dream that flies

Faraway

But so close.

 

 

 

 

Games we play

 

Talks

Walks

Smiles

Silence in between

On this and that

Then you said

Then I

Said

“Say no more

Please.”

 

But you said

“I don’t love you anymore”

Like I imagined.

 

 

See now

See my shiver

Never forever

Beautiful and silent

Still you.

 

Then I said

“I know and I hate you”

Like you imagined.

 

The games we played

And the shows we staged

It’s good

It’s great

lost all the sadness

broke all the promises

to myself.

That is how serious

Of a play it was.

And now it ends
with the most violent of moves.

 

A tear would run down
my tired face

Fabricated

To hide cries in me

I was only defeated

When you said

You loved me.

 

 

 

 

 

Asteroid youth

 

As we say no

As we explode

To those believes

To those rules

To those ancestors

We break our assumptions

We tear our fashions

We are running

Defining sensations

Fighting our loneliness

Brooding over our reasons.

Reasons to intensify

Reasons to die

Defending our ego

Hunting for aspirations

Within nights

Within us.

 

Intimacy that we crave

Bonds that we deny

Just to be free.

For that pride

For that deceit

For that lust

We break our hearts.

 

Are we that right?

Are we that wrong?

Are we that desperate?

to be

anything but ordinary?.